then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
