There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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