dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
