I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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