you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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