My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
