god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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