What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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