I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
