I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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