Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
