I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
