Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
