Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
