You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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