im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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