Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
