i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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