Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
