Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
