I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
