My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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