I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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