This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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