you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
