I accidentally had phone sex last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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