my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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