Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
