new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
