sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
