I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
