its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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