Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
