i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When did angry sex become our thing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..