I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
this is an emotional support booty call
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.