I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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