she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.