I just cut my nipple shaving
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.