im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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