I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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