The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me