those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
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I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions