Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Buhtt sex?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
