R you on birth control?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.