my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
