Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
