Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
