Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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