I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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