oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
