Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
