My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
