her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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