looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
