i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
