Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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