hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
