shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
