my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
