This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
