I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
