So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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