i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
