Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
