he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
