Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
