I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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