Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
