She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
