I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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