You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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