I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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