Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
