Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if only i could text you this smell
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
