You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
