I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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