people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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