Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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