I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
