i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
