just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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