Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
