i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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