I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
