i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
