We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
