It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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