i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
