So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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