Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
